Guest Post by Bob MuellerI'm happy to welcome back Bob Mueller, whose writing content is always a hit with readers. Enjoy! It seems that on most forums for writers, about once a month you'll see some post about writing by hand. It's usually phrased as a question about the anachronism of writing fiction by hand, such as "Does Anyone Still Hand-write Their Novel?" There's something almost magical about the process of words flowing through a writing instrument and appearing on paper that can't quite be matched by the digital representations we see on a screen. For me, turning pixels on and off can't equal the excitement and intrigue and suspense and sheer primitiveness of permanently staining a sheet of wood pulp with pieces of crushed metal or some combination of chemicals suspended in a solution. At this point in my writing career, I'm pretty well cemented into the idea of drafting my fiction by hand. I did about two-thirds of The Sad Girl by hand and almost the entire sequel as well. I'm 12K hand-written words into the third book as well, and even have about 600 words down for the first book in the new series, all of it by hand. The biggest advantage of writing longhand in a notebook is that I can take it with me when I take my kids to dance or sports practice, and sit in the car or wherever and write. I'm not constrained by power, wi-fi accessibility, or a bad angle of the sun against my screen. Writing by hand seems to make fiction flow better for me. It might be because I have fewer distractions. When I write by hand, I'm away from my computer, and away from the distractions of social media and the rabbit holes of research. When I flip my notebook open and start writing, it feels like I get back into the flow of the story more quickly. Is that because I'm writing more during the day when I hand-write? Or am I writing more because the story flows better? Hmm… I've also noticed that while I do fiction better by hand, I seem to do non-fiction (like blog posts) better at the computer. That may be because I haven't tried to do non-fiction by hand, although there's really no reason for me to not too. The last time I bought notebooks, I bought several for fiction, and several smaller ones, intended to use them for non-fiction. I haven't quite gotten around to that yet. My hypothesis at the moment is that I'm still scrambling on my non-fiction, and writing those pieces under deadline, meaning I don't really have the time to draft by hand then transcribe and rewrite. That may be something I'll work on this summer. I've noticed too when writing in public that people were less willing to interrupt me when I'm writing on a notebook than if I were on the laptop. There's something about the computer that seems to give permission to ask what you're doing, or at least to screen-peek. That's not there with paper. It's like there's an assumption that you're writing a letter or something similarly intimate. The most common objections I hear to writing longhand are the time involved to transcribe, and the speed difference between the two. I don't know that I have a real response to the former. You're still writing, so I don't know that the time invested in a handwritten draft is lost or wasted. The latter is certainly a valid point though. I can type at something close to 60 words per minute. I've never timed myself, but I suspect my longhand speed is about half that. I pretty much abandoned cursive writing in middle school. I wasn't fond of the exercises, so I couldn't get neat penmanship, and after grade school, we were allowed to print papers, so that's where I've stayed. I'd be very interested to see a timed test between cursive and print handwriters. The Parts:I am not a snob about my writing tools. I know there are people who cherish luxury notebooks from Moleskine and Blackwing and Amara and Smythson, but I just can't justify spending multiple dozens of dollars for what amounts to a single-use item. I realize paper quality is critical to many people, but as long as my pencil writes on it consistently, I'm happy with it. I'll save all my fiction notebooks, pretty much just because. But I'm not going to be worried about archival-quality acid-free paper. My only requirements for a notebook are that it be 8.35x11 inches and narrow or college ruled. A stiff back cover is pretty handy too, but not critical. I've been perfectly happy with a 100-page Office Depot notebook, as well as a $0.97 Walmart special. My current notebook is a Mead Cambridge Business Notebook. I've tried both side-bound and top-bound, and prefer the top-bound these days. Likewise, I'm pretty flexible when it comes to my actual writing implements. I wouldn't mind trying to write with a fountain pen, just for the experience, but I currently get by with a Papermate mechanical pencil that is the third or fourth of this brand for me (I managed to break at least two in my pants pocket.) I've also made do with a $2 pack of ten mechanical pencils from the back-to-school aisle at Walmart. The only thing I've discovered over the last couple of years is that I like mechanical pencils better than conventional, because it's so much easier to keep the point sharp. I tend to run .5 millimeter #2 leads, but that's as much of a personal preference as paper or ink choice. The Process:What does my writing process look like then? I tend to do my outlining/synopsizing on the computer, then sit down and just start writing. Then the next day, I'll type up what I wrote the day before. That gives me a mini-edit as I transcribe, making the first computer draft a second draft, or at least draft 1.5. From there, I step away from the computer, pick up the notebook, and start writing. If I need to come up with a name, I'll put in a placeholder like DEPUTYNAME and drive on. Then when I transcribe, I'll take the time to come up with a name, or use one of the many name generators scattered across the 'net (although I tend to use Behind The Name most often these days). I do the same with any serious research I need to do. There's a scene in In Plain Sight that deals with the Coast Guard handling a swamped boat with a body aboard. I wrote it the way I thought it would happen, but made a bunch of notes, and started the research process with the Coast Guard. If I need to make change, I can easily do that later to the computer draft. At some point in the day or early evening, I'll decide I’m done writing. Depending on my schedule for the next day, I might transcribe the day's writing right then, but I usually wait until the next day, or even the day after. I try to not go more than two days without transcribing though; I've occasionally found big errors when transcribing, and the sooner those are found, the less major rewriting I have to do. According to my production-tracking spreadsheets, I average about 1,500 words per day when I'm hand-writing. Looking back at older stories, I wrote on more days, but not as much each day. It took me 152 writing days over six years to finish Don't Stop Believing, which was done completely on the computer. Conversely, it only took me 86 writing days over 370 calendar days to finish the Sad Girl sequel. I'm starting to work on some short fiction these days too, and I've been handwriting that. I'm not sure if it's going as well as my long-form fiction is though. We'll see. Are you still writing by hand? Let's hear from you in the comments! Tell us what works for you and what doesn't! All About Bob:When you get right down to it, Bob Mueller writes about emotions. He finds them in his own experiences as a divorced father and family member of a sex abuse survivor, and from the people he meets. He puts himself in someone else’s shoes, and teases out their feelings. Blending that with bits and pieces of history and life experience, he crafts a story that might have been inspired by a song, or a news article. But it’s about emotions in the end. Born in north Texas and raised in southeastern Ohio, Bob is a member of International Thriller Writers, Tulsa NightWriters and Oklahoma Writer’s Federation, a father of eight, and a pastor’s husband. When he’s not writing, he enjoys reading (thrillers, historical fiction and non-fiction, and police procedurals), genealogy, and shooting. For more information, visit http://www.bobmuellerwriter.com.
10 Comments
Guest Post by Dana LeipoldI'm thrilled to bring you another wonderful guest post on the world of writing, this time by Dana Leipold, author of Burnt Edges. Enjoy, readers! 6 Things I Hate About Writing Hate is such a strong word but it’s necessary when I tell you that I sometimes want to pull out all my teeth and hair when I write. I get so sick of battling the muse that I want to tell her to hit the road and leave me alone! And now without further ado, here are six things I hate about writing: 1. There Too Many Other People Who Are Good At It Okay, I’m a jealous person but I don’t get envious of other writers’ success; I’m really happy for them. I get envious of how well they write! I want to write like that! I’ve discovered, however, that there is no magic pill or class you can take that will turn you into a great writer. Nope. You’ve got to work hard at it, which leads me to the next thing I hate about writing… 2. Writing is Hard Work…And I Don’t Like Hard Work Now you know I’m a lazy person, too! I WISH there was a magic pill. I would have bought pallets of it from Costco. Writing is like exercise (by the way I hate to exercise too). You have to do it over and over until your muscles are so strong and big that you can do amazing things. And the older you get, if you don’t do it every day, your muscles atrophy fast. Same with writing. I HATE THAT! 3. Obsessing About It When I’m Not Writing I have a full life (even though I’m a jealous and lazy person). I squeeze writing in between my paid job, being a mother, taking care of the house, maintaining a marriage, cleaning the cat box, etc.. When I’m not writing, I’m think about it ALL THE TIME! Especially if I’m in the middle of a project. It’s like the projects seeps into my brain and possesses my every waking minute until I finish it. 4. Writing is a Solitary Endeavor When I’m sitting here staring at the screen, forcing myself not to go on Facebook because I must write, it gets kind of lonely. The bizarre thing is I do this voluntarily. I say, “no” to social engagements because I should be writing. I tell my kids and my husband to go away because I should be writing. Then when I’m alone, I can’t think of a single thing to WRITE! 5. Writing is Making My Butt Big Remember how I told you that I hate to exercise? Well, combine that with sitting at the computer for hours writing and what do you get? A BIG FAT BUTT. I’m not talking about a nice, round Kim Kardashian butt either. I’ve had to come up with really weird motivators to get my butt moving so it doesn’t get too big for my chair. 6. Writing Can Be Boring Sometimes Yes, I said it. Hollywood may beg to differ but writing is sometimes not the most exciting activity in the world. When motivation is low, when the coffee is gone, and when your eyes are so red from staring at the same paragraph for ten hours, you get bored. This is usually when you need a break to clear your head. Even though I hate these things about writing, I still do it. I can’t imagine not ever writing either. The truth is: I write because I HAVE TO…my head would explode if I didn’t. And I kind of like my head so I guess I will just have to keep doing it. Dana Leipold is a freelance writer and author. Her award-winning debut novel, Burnt Edges (published by Booktrope) has gained critical acclaim. She also self-published two books, Stupid Poetry: The Ultimate Collection of Sublime and Ridiculous Poems and The Power of Writing Well: Write Well. Make a Difference. She helped found, Kōsa Press, an independent publishing label specializing in shared universe anthologies and is a member of the Association of Independent Authors. She practices yoga, loves funny cat videos, and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and two children. You can visit her blog at www.danaleipold.com. You can also visit Dana on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Guest post by Paperbacks & Wine's Mel FlickingerSo excited to have author, poet, and author assistant extraordinaire M.L. Flickinger. She's one of the most wonderful people: creative, helpful and caring. And her writing advice is on point. Check it out: Several years ago I decided to take a break from the many semesters of psychology and counseling courses and enrolled in a novel writing course through the University of Iowa. It was an impulsive move that I then proceeded to stress out over for weeks before the course began. What was I thinking enrolling into a novel writing class? How in the world would I be able to complete this type of project? Sure, I had written short stories or poetry...and many, many, many term papers. But a novel- that’s a major commitment. I didn’t even have an idea for a story. I started plotting what I could write about and this is what I decided to go with: vampires. A vampire who feeds off of the world’s sadness. Draining his victims despair one pint of blood at a time. Creative right? (Umm...no, not so much. Vampires have been, done over, overdone and are flat out over. No more vampires. Please.) However, that is what I had intended to write. I thought that was what people wanted to read. I struggled trying to fill in an outline that would be satisfactory. I typed words, I deleted them, I cried over them, I hated them. I regretted signing up for this impossible class- and it had yet to even start. When the class did finally begin that fall, here is what I learned:
Since taking this novel writing class (which I got an A in, thank you very much!), I have written several short stories and poetry. I am in the process of writing my first fiction novel - and no, there are no vampires. Keeping these tips in mind helps me - and I hope they might help you as well. M.L. Flickinger is a book marketing manager and author assistant. She is the founder of Paperbacks and Wine, a blog featuring book marketing tips and author promotion. Currently living in Iowa with her family, M.L. enjoys long walks, campfires, coffee, and reading. Visit M.L. Flickinger via: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MLFlicks Twitter: @MelissaFlicks Website: www.MLFlickinger.org Guest Post by Bob MuellerToday I'm happy to bring you a guest post on listening to your creative voice by guest blogger, Bob Mueller, author of the fabulous novel The Sad Girl (a really introspective thriller/mystery about sex trafficking). Enjoy and comment. I've developed into something of a Dean Smith fanboy lately. Many of his posts are hitting a nerve with me, from his series on Heinlein's Business Rules to his discussions of the publishing industry. Gravity's director Rachel Thompson is fond of prompting writers to "Write what scares you." She's usually talking about topics, not writing style, as in don't worry about what people will think of your topic, be it a memoir about childhood sexual abuse or a novel about human trafficking. Lately, Dean has made several references to a book he wrote, Writing Into The Dark. It started out as a blog series about how to make your critical voice shut up so you can listen to your creative voice. He says, "The only purpose of the critical voice in creative writing is to stop you…Critical voice in humans is there to protect us." Critical voice is what tells you not to lane-split on your motorcycle at 80+. It's what makes you take the safe path around the cliff, instead of skiing off of it and getting your picture in Ski Magazine. It's also what tells you not to pick up hitchhikers, or to avoid touching the electric fence. But Smith makes the case that it's also what tells you your story must have one primary story arc, three supporting arcs, a carefully orchestrated inciting incident, and everything else that lit majors tell you a story requires. It's what tells you that must outline your story from beginning to end, so that you know exactly what happens and when it happens, and all you have to do is plug in the right words to describe what's happening. Back when I first thought to write, I thought I'd just be able to start with a premise, like two guys wandering into a shootout on the way home from the gun range, or a group of soldiers stuck behind enemy lines after five years of warfare in Europe, and turn out this terrific novel that would hit the bestseller list in record time. I've got three or four trunked stories to show for it. Then I wondered about outlining the story. I thought getting really well organized first would be a better way to start. I didn't know about Freytag's pyramid, inciting incidents, or plot devices. Still don't know much about them, really. So I tried outlining a story, to see where it would get me. It was more of a long synopsis, working on the idea that each paragraph could be a chapter or scene. It got me started on one book, but as I moved further along in the story, it felt like I was working too hard, like I was forcing the story. But I trudged along and got it finished. In the middle of writing that book, I got invited into a short story project. We were given a prompt and a deadline, and I was nervous, having never written a short story. You can't really outline those the way you would a book. That's what I thought at the time, anyway. So what did I do? I started with a premise – an object you'd find at a police auction – and just started asking questions. "What is it, and who found it?" "So what?" And the most helpful question: "What happened next?" That process gave me a 3,000 word short story that later became The Sad Girl. I didn't really outline or synopsize that one. I had a few ideas of things that might happen, but I tried really hard to just let the story flow. As I look back now, it occurs to me that the times the writing really dragged was when I wanted something to happen a particular way. But when I backed off a little bit and started listening to my creative voice, things flowed much better. The same thing held true on the sequel: a general idea, a couple of ideas about how things might happen, and it flowed pretty easily. As I started working on the third book, I thought I needed to plan things out a lot better, because this one is turning out to be a little lot more involved than the first two. But I'm about 10k words into the third book, and it's starting to feel forced. It might be time to turn off the critical voice again. I tried that on a short story I was straining on the other day, and kicked out 800 words without much effort. So I've learned at this point that even though I don't like it, and even though it makes me nervous, I seem to turn out my best writing when I'm writing by the seat of my pants. Because that's what writing into the dark really is: just a fancy way of saying you're a pantser instead of a plotter. Is one way better than the other? Probably, but that's an individual answer. It might even change for each book that you write. I guess the most important thing to take away from this is to not listen to your critical voice. That's the one telling you that you have to do it one way, all the time. Don't listen to that voice. Listen to your creative voice. That's the one that's whispering the story to you. All About BobBob Mueller is a teller of stories. They sound like thrillers in his head. He puts himself in someone else’s shoes, teases out their feelings, blends that with bits and pieces of history and life experience, and crafts a story that might have been inspired by a song or a news story. But it’s about emotions in the end. Published under Booktrope's Gravity Imprint, Bob is a member of International Thriller Writers, Tulsa NightWriters and Oklahoma Writer’s Federation, a father of eight, and a pastor’s husband. His novel The Sad Girl is available now from Amazon. You can also find him at http://www.bobmuellerwriter.com, on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, and Goodreads. "I'm Tired of This" ComplexI moderated a panel on moving beyond the scorned victim in literature. I set the tone by opening up introductions, which is customary. Alas, I was a little dismayed that a couple panelists seemed tired with the panel before it started. Especially because I was truly interested in it being an engaging panel. But I understand. It's extremely frustrating to have to discuss issues of rape/equality/respect over and over again. The idea behind the frustration is pertinent. I know that the panel could have gone many ways and was not going the way everyone wanted. The panelists want to move past the topic of victims. And I was getting there, but set-up needs to occur. I think it's pertinent to discuss why there is something to get past before we get to the examples of characters who are doing this. At the same time, women are still victimized ever day. In literature, rape culture is still propagated. As a survivor of assault, I also won't stand for silence on the issue. It's annoying to have to iterate that there is a problem, but there is. And addressing the problem is a necessary entryway into talking about how our female characters are progressing beyond being the prop of raped victim. But just because our characters are not just pawns or secondary objects in our all of our books does not mean that people need to stop hearing that these things still occur all the time in movies, television and literature. We eventually began discussing characters that move beyond the trope of rape for entertainment, but by that time, the tone was soured. I am very thankful for fellow panelists who were not tired and for the audience who wanted to give examples of characters who they felt were strong representatives of more than just scorned victims. I just think it's too bad that the tone wasn't complimentary to their passion for the topic. I am young. I'm a feminist. I am an author. Many of the people there were young feminists and potential authors. They came to hear the whole story, to pitch in, and I think that's beautiful. It's understandable that a topic can get tiring when it's something that you cover all the time. So hand it over. Let us have a say. Let us deal with it, too, those of you who are tired. This topic should be exhausted, you think, or addressed in this way or that way. But progress is always slow, and for women it is excruciatingly slow. The up-and-coming generation is not yet tired or jaded enough to stop speaking on an important topic with patience, curiosity and passion. I know that some of that tiredness stems from the fact that sexuality and rape discussions center around the idea of women as victims. And that many authors simply want to do away with victimized women in books altogether. But I'm going to push against that for one simple reason: it still happens daily, it's ugly and we are told to shut up about it after it happens. I will not shut up about it in my fiction any more than I'll shut up about it in real life. Fuck that. Like Melinda in Laurie Halse-Anderson's book, I will Speak. When I opened that book, a book so many publishers were afraid of, I found myself in it's pages. I saw myself in deep depression, in the painted lines decorating Melinda's silence. And I saw myself fight with her, get angry with her, and SPEAK with her. And it made me feel like an agent instead of a victim. And that's what I wanted to have heard. But the tiredness prevailed. Probably because I am a new moderator, and because I was a bit floored by the fog that surrounded other panelists. I am sorry I didn't say these things then, but I'm writing them now. Boxing Heroines InI was featured on a few different heroine panels, and I feel very fortunate for that. I think the discussions for many of them were passionate and engaging. However, I would caution female and male writers against one thing: labeling heroines into a box. Can we, women and men, stop calling characters we don't like by cliches. Some characters play with tropes (strong female, Mary Sue, victim, Sex Pot etc.) in order to throw those tropes away. Not every piece of literature that has a strong female character is making a Mary Sue. And why disparage strong (physically or mentally) characters at all? Just because we describe them in a way that sets them up to be something like what you have read before in this or that book, does not make them uncomplicated, without depth. As one panelist suggested: just because his character was nurturing and a woman does not make her a trope. She can be her own fantastically developed person as a nurturing mother. And as another panelist said: just because her non-gender labeled character has long hair and is nurturing, does not mean her character is a nurturing woman. So let's stop the in-fighting. A badly written character is a badly written character, but don't let your fear of tropes stand in your way of enjoying books that some people would degenerate as cliches. Read, write and explore your characters. And lift your favorite, full characters up unabashedly. Because you cling to them for a valid reason. Male FeministsI had the lovely fortune of being on panels with men who are clearly feminists. And I just want to take this time to thank you. You make up the other half of this world and we, female feminists, need your support to gain equality. We truly do. But I think sometimes it doesn't seem that way. I saw and heard (from a few of my male feminist friends) that they felt a bit out of place, ganged up on or uncomfortable. And I think I can guess why: they were in the minority and surrounded by vocal, intelligent women. I don't mean to suggest that men can't stand vocal women, but it's something that is not the norm. Men are not used to being in the minority. But a valid concern was brought up when one man said that many of the female panelists wouldn't let him finish his thoughts. Or used aggressive and condescending tones with him. I agree and was frustrated, too. Look, women are used to being talked over by male voices, friends. I won't even list to you the many times I've been mansplained by someone about my life, my very female experiences. But I realize that you were doing neither of these things, and were cut off at times, anyway. Just as it's hard for the rest of the country to stop saying Hilary is a bitch because she speaks out in a voice that is not a tenor, it is hard for us to remember that not all men speaking about women's issues are speaking down (because they often, usually, are). Not all tenor voices are trying to fight us. I try to remember that. And I thank you for pointing this out. Lastly, when I am discussing the patriarchy and white male oppressors, I am not talking about you, fellow feminists. Your gender does not make you part of the patriarchy. Only complacence makes you apart of the patriarchy. When my husband rolls his eyes about white people, he does not roll his eyes about me. I am his partner, I am a community member and a teacher within his tribe. I am white, but my whiteness does not make me a part of the problem. My complacence would, if I were complacent. I've never been called such. So, feminists, try to to squirm uncomfortably when we say patriarchy. If you're fighting the problem, you are not the problem. And, also, here's a virtual *hug* for not being the problem. You are very much appreciated. Final Thoughts: How To Relate to HeroinesWell, you may ask, how do you sum up what you learned about relating to/writing/discussing heroines? How do we speak about women? Short answer: As if they are complex human beings with histories, cultures, flaws and traits all their own. So, much like you would a man. Do you have to write about sexuality and women? No. Do you have to refrain from so doing? No. Do you have to write a gender for your character at all? As one panelist suggested: No. And it can be a fun experiment to try to just write a character that anyone could relate to without even assigning a gender. I might even blow some minds. So go write good characters. Relate to characters without worrying that you shouldn't. Don't worry if your female character smokes and drinks. Don't worry if your male character likes to wear skirts. We are complex beings. Worry about not flattening us.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm moody. It comes with having a mood disorder, and maybe even being artistically inclined. But mostly the first. I'm surrounded by friends with similar illnesses and tendencies in my life, and I see them struggling and I just want to hug them (and sometimes shake them). And I know they often feel that way about me, too.
Writing and creating art are wonderful jobs when you're doing them. But when you're not, they can be very frustrating and extremely stressful. You get a handful of people asking what your real job is: mothering, teaching, working at a library, IT technician? They treat your talent as a hobby. And you sort of understand why, but it's maddening. You want to say, "Yeah, I make no fucking money at that, but it's still my job. Lots of important jobs are underpaid, but they're still jobs." Or you get frustrated by the rejections piling up. That poetry anthology that you just knew you were going to get into, sends you a "Thank-you but" email. That publisher you love tells you you're not the right fit. That agent, and that agent, and that agent, says the same. "You're untested," "new," or "too much like" something else. But you worked countless hours on your craft and you just want a break, a positive note. Then there's the marketing, and even big authors have to do that. But you're doing it wrong, or you think you are. You started off hounding people, then realized your friend list grew smaller. Okay, that's not the way. "Make connections" they say. So you try, but it takes up a lot of your writing time and writing makes you happy, and talking to others stresses you out. So you're doing the blogging and the tweeting and the connecting but you feel a little hollow. So what? What now? Take a break. Take a week off where you write, or think or breathe. Your sanity is important. Don't call a lot of attention to it; don't make a big scene. Just walk. No one needs to know you're feeling like a bomb ready to burst. Go quietly and calmly into a week or so of peace. And here's the important part: come back. All vacations must end. Or they would not be vacations. Get some peace, then keep it up. Write, connect, relate, repeat. This is your craft, and maybe someday it will be a job that actually pays. But becoming a tender mass ready to explode will not help you get there faster. Like with most things, time and patience and consistency helps. And a long walk in between never hurts. Be good to yourself, and you will be better for others. I spent about five years, as a new author, being upset that my book was getting no notice, no reviews, no attention from publishers. And that is frustrating. I spent a few years on writing and perfecting it. It was a solid story, so why did people not read it? The answer was simple: I was marketing like crap and I was new and untested and I was impatient. But you can't know that when you're new to the scene. You can't know that it takes years to build an audience. It takes patience and investment into your audience.
Now, I'm not famous. I'm not even a blip on the radar, but I'm getting fans. That's exciting. And a little strange and kind of...I don't know weird. I want people to read my books. I've been wanting that. Now I'm getting people emailing me, asking for sequels and prequels and more information about my characters. And I fear that I sound like an idiot when I answer because I'm embarrassed by the attention. And I'm worried I'll let them down with my additions, and that REALLY bothers me. Fear of failing them has become my new worry. And it's all so strange. All the time I put into making stories, all the time I put into engaging people, and now I'm feeling so strange about getting attention for those things. I know this is a shared experience. Other writers who are finally getting a following have talked to me about their fears, the pressure they feel to do just as well or better. And a lot of them feel like impostors. I don't have a point to make here. I just think writers are weird, and I'm weird. I feel like an impostor, and I don't like that. I do love writing. I like making weird stories and recording them and making art for them. I just freeze when I'm asked about them. It's because I'm weird. Not because I don't like hearing from you, cool readers. And I'm sorry for that. I'll try to act normally, but I probably won't. I I live half my life, if not more, in other worlds, being other people, and it's always made me a little self-conscious. And a lot weird. I picture you great granite rock sunk in low-tide mire. I am sleek water creeping in steadfast solitude. Glass days, sun spun gold, shimmering still surface, enfold liquid arms around you. We coexist, placid entanglement. The Calm before The Storm thrashing, thundering waves. I am foaming rage. Scream over your head, attempt to pull you under hurricane anger. You are unmoving. How long before that serenity is ground down, erode your skin, cracked and raw. Bleed you of me. If I could drown me, tidal wave wipe clean, you'd not have to fight to withstand stormy seas. About Author G. Donald CribbsDonald Cribbs has written and published poetry and short stories since high school. Donald is a graduate of Messiah College in English and Education, and is currently a graduate student in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. He and his wife and four boys reside in central Pennsylvania where the author is hard at work on his next book, the sequel to his debut novel, THE PACKING HOUSE (January 18, 2016), by Booktrope. Having lived and traveled abroad in England, France, Belgium, Germany, China and Thailand (you can guess where he lived and where he visited), the author loves languages and how they connect us all. Coffee and Nutella are a close second. Follow Him (online, weirdos): Google+ Website Excerpt From The Packing House*This book has a trigger warning 1 | Monster At the bell, I head to study hall, my last class. There's a substitute today. Cell phones come out. Someone has their iPod up way too high. In a way, I feel sorry for the sub; as a job, it has to be right up there with garbage collector. I prop a book between me and my backpack then close my eyes, which have been slamming shut all day. The next thing I know, the substitute is standing over me, his hand on my shoulder, shaking me awake. Someone sniggers nearby. “Wake up, young man. There's no sleeping in study hall.” Pushing my glasses back into place, I look up and try to get my eyes to adjust and stay open; I blink a few times and look around wildly. What an idiot. I even forgot where I was for a moment. A flush of warmth starts at my ears and neck before sliding across my cheeks. “All right, I'm up.” Whispers erupt in various places around me as I sit up and rub my eyes. Someone laughs. My desk is askew. Something smells bad. Sulfur. Odd… the realization hits me hard. A female voice remarks, “If I were him, I'd be totally embarrassed!” “What's your name?” the substitute asks quietly. “Joel Scrivener.” The substitute leans down. “Joel? You might want to speak with a counselor about those dreams.” “What do you mean?” He leans closer, lowers his voice. “You kept saying, ‘get off me, stop touching me, get off me,' over and over.” He gives me what he must think is a reassuring smile. Then he leaves. The only thing worse than getting caught asleep in study hall: getting caught asleep andcrying out from a bad dream in study hall. There's more whispering, but this time it crackles nearby. A recording—presumably of me—replays the sound of me jerking around in my chair, desk legs scraping against the floor, then “Get OFF me!” and “Stop TOUCHING meeee!” The bell rings. Down the hallway, students gather in odd clumps, skittering away from me like I'm the monster. A cacophony of whispers follows a chorus of aborted cackles; I hear my voice playing over and over, like my life jammed on repeat. I'm too stunned to reply, even when Shampoo Girl, who rides my bus, tries to stop me. I'm not good with names. We move too much for them to matter. This girl is heavyset, plain, with nice hair. I like how it smells if I sit behind her on the bus. Shampoo Girl. She's one of the few I've caught glaring at my attackers when I'm dropped into the lunchroom trashcan or tripped with an armful of books between classes. She hasn't said anything to my attackers, like that punk from Algebra II, but her quiet defiance is at least reassuring. Not that I've thanked her or acknowledged her for that. “Joel? Joel, are you okay?” I definitely don't deserve her sympathy; instead, I look back down the hall. My own brother Jonathan is with his swim team posse and says, “I can't believe you dudes got this,” before he sees me. “Izzat rilly yer bro, man?” asks a blond-haired skater-punk friend of Jonathan's, pointing at his cellphone. They must be watching the video of me from study hall just like everyone else. Man, that traveled fast. On the far end, cackling like a fiend, my brother Jonathan laughs at his best friend Elias’ reaction, who is doubled over and turning purple. Skaterdude is on this end, sputtering and waving his arms like he’s imitating me from the video. Between the other two is Elias. God, I hate him sometimes. Why does he stick his nose where it doesn't belong? Why society disparages heroines and why women should not participate.As a girl, I loved to read. I would read anything. As such, I grew up relating to characters who were not really like me, and that was fine. I got to live in new worlds, in different bodies, with different personalities. And I think that has made me empathetic. Most of the bodies I lived in where not female. And that made me see men as heroes, as powerful as intelligent, as brave. Most of the females in the books I read were sidekicks, beautiful, sexy, love interests, pushy, annoying, petty. Some of them were smart, but they were usually secondary. Until my mother gave me Tamora Pierce's Wild Magic. Daine was powerful, if shy. She was brave, if humble. She was me, but in a way I didn't see me before reading her: clever and caring. She was flawed but wonderful. I fell in love with Pierce's books hard. I liked many books, enjoyed and even loved many books. But this was the first time I really related to the characters I'd read. I soon found myself clinging to her other characters: Alanna, Tris, Becca, Daja, and others. Even characters who were not my skin color or religion. I felt my heart expand for people, not just fictional but real. Daja, for example, was the first black main character I was asked to relate to, and she is a lesbian. Both of these things were foreign to me, were things that people in my small town looked down upon. Black and lesbian were words that were used as negatives in my world. But Daja is anything but negative. She is amazing, loving and fierce. Different, yes, but her difference is not negative. It is just a part of her being. And I loved her being. Tris is chubby, which I loved. Growing up chubby with a bad temper was something I could relate to. I thought of myself in terms of ugly, unwanted, volatile. But Tris is loved, powerful, important, and she is like me. I started to see myself differently. I started to see the word differently than what I was trained to do. Heroines, authors, retrained my mind, expanded my world view. There have been a lot of negative comments lately, offhand stabs at heroines. "Okay, we've had enough of the strong heroine." "Oh, good, another book about a tough girl who fights for everyone." "The strong heroine is becoming a cliche I despise." "Oh, that flawed heroine finds herself. That's new." Here's the thing: it is pretty new that women are becoming heroes, that men and women are being asked to relate to female characters. And the people throwing these comments around aren't just men, either, which astounded me, at first. Until it didn't. Because tearing down women subtly and overtly is not new. And to be accepted as right, women are asked to participate in the tearing down of other women. When we were considered property we were asked to compete with one another. To beguile men with our beauty, not our brains. To commend them and support them, the people with the power. I believe this is still a thing, albeit less in-your-face. It is why we are asked to question whether J.K. Rowling's books can really be considered great literature. It is why Hunger Games is often referred to as chic lit, rather than the very smart, very well written prose of a talented author, who wove important issues into entertaining and sometimes frightening books. It is why people (mostly men) say, "I just don't get how people think Austen is such a big deal. Let's read about marriages and match making. Blah." You don't get it because you were never expected to relate to a strong, clever woman who knows her strengths and expects respect. Having to reach for power in a situation where you have none. You might have never been asked to disrespect yourself to gain the attention and notice of those in power. Austen lived in that world. The subtle wordplay, the historical oppression, the commentary on the rights and expectations of women is both fascinating and still pertinent, but people make fun of me for thinking her one of the best writers of all time. Because she writes about "female" things, I've been told. If by female you mean emotions, societal expectations and equality, okay? Those things are not important to everyone? I've read about wars, men's libido, building forts, bro relationships and basketball in various hero-led stories and I enjoyed the books. It was not a pre-requisite that the hero talk about my interests. My gender has little to do with my hobbies or my ability to relate to others. Or maybe it does. Maybe, as a woman, I am expected to relate and so I perform that function better. And I am expected to backtrack and expound upon how Shakespeare did this or that better than my favorite authors. Even during my Master's degree, feminist theory was met with eye rolls by many of the upper division faculty, and I was expected to roll my eyes, too. When I didn't, men would often explain to me why I should. Sometimes I held Jane Eyre, Austen and Alcott close and just felt like crying. Because the characters I loved were clearly the trashier forms of literature. But they weren't. And they aren't. And your favorite characters are valid. The women you love are worthy of your respect, whether they are fictional or real. In searching for pictures and art of my favorite heroines for this blog, I was often confronted by the sexualization of my favorite female heroines. They were put in degrading positions, enhanced to be more appealing. Their power became contingent upon the size of their breasts and the ways in which they could be dominated. And I remain not surprised. Because when we allow ourselves to think of the strong heroine as boring, as unoriginal, as silly, we are allowing the society at large to degrade our own worth. We are more than the gendered holes that men must fill. We fulfill our own destinies. We have fought against gender slavery. We create lives and have carved out power. Just think for a moment about how many strong heroes are in our literature. Do a google search and compare. Believe it or not, it's very difficult to come up with a top 50 list of lead heroines in books. Men regain power by telling us that what we think is silly or flawed. And we are used to bowing our heads and consenting to what has been traditionally right. We are used to it, but we don't have to stay silent. And we certainly don't have to participate in a dialogue that disparages women, our heroes, our writers, our role models. None of this means that we cannot also like Milton, Melville and Malory. It just means that we don't have to compare our heroines against man-made masters. We don't have to be told what to like. We can appreciate our strengths, our strong women writers, our heroines unabashedly. We can love being represented and can demand to be heard. Believe what they say about reading liberal books: It is a dangerous thing to indulge in them. Reading strong women characters will eventually kill ignorance. If you hold your ignorance dear, do not proceed.
As for me, I will not wait for others to speak the power of women. I am writing my share of fierce females. Abigail, Adela Darken, and Gina are just a start. It is my hope that I can do what Tamora Pierce, Rowling, Satrapi, Roth, Halse-Anderson, Professors Foglio, Dahl, Austen, Eyre, Snickett and others did for me: I can open people's hearts by creating characters who are diverse and relateable. It is my hope for my readers that they will be able to appreciate my work without it being disparaged by others as chick lit. In my mind, there is nothing better than a good book with a great heroine. I don't care for the word chick. I am a woman and I like good literature. I don't feel the need to label toys, clothing, colors or good books with genders. They are inanimate objects, so they don't really have genders, now, do they? |
AuthorH.M Jones is the author of B.R.A.G Medallion Honor and NIEA finalist book Monochrome, its prequel Fade to Blue, the Adela Darken Graphic Novellas, Al Ravien's Night, The Immortals series, and several short stories. Archives
December 2019
Categories
All
|